Utopia Restaurant and Lounge is everything but a Utopia, a restaurant, or even a lounge...

So it's monday night and I am craving some on fire Pho....

I ride past this place quite often, and figured since Hanoi Kitchen was closed (great place, check it out sometime--right up the road) I would pop into the mysterious, Karaoke boasting, Vietnamese joint on 82nd. The restaurant side seemed empty and stagnant, so I hit the bar where there were regulars dumping money into lotto machines, a football game going, and some cheering from the small crowd. I like a divey atmosphere, and often streetfood/corner bars are hiding foodie gems that make history, so I figured since they had some interesting menu items, I would go for it.

[Not my photo]

I order the wings and their "Spicy Beef" Pho soup with a Blue Moon (limited tap). The bartender is nice, the regulars are focused on the game. My wings come out and they are nicely fried, and the first few are pretty good.... Then I bit into a larger one and it is cold inside. Yuck. I put it down, reach for another and it's the same story. Not cool.

My Pho comes out and it is looking different than the usual fare. The broth is bright red, the noodles are super fat (Udon style verm), and there is no ribeye, no tendon, no tripe, nothing... Just some precooked tenderloin on top (4 pieces) and a few spongy looking sausage balls. I surmise that it will be a new style, not exactly what I was into but whatever, and I dig in...

[Also not my photo, but very similar look with no shrimp and much more red]
[Phone out of batt :( ]

The broth is really light... Like campbells chicken noodle in a can light. There is an overbearing red pepper/chili taste, but nothing else. The noodles are cooked nicely but not supportive of the broth, not adding anything but wormy texture to a bland bowl. The meat looks like jerky and tastes like someone left it out on a countertop... Ugh. The meat balls are even worse, tasting like they were thrown in last minute after sitting in an open refrigerator for a few days... There is actually a point during the meal where I ask myself if I am comfortable with food poisoning/plan out the next few hours just in case... But for the sake of reviewing, I muscle through the bowl, send my wings to the garbage, and chug the rest of my Blue Moon (which was pretty flat, but its a dive bar).

All in all, I make a pretty serious hobby out of discovering/reviewing good noodle joints around town and this one gets a thumbs down. Back in February, I had the worst bowl of ramen in Portland... This might be the worst Pho, it's certainly the worst thus far.

 I would only eat here again if I were stranded, starving, or super wasted. They have to do better with that real estate!

Rating
Broth: 1/10
Noodles: 3/10
Meat: 2/10
Veggies: 0/10