Hana Japanese Bistro…
So I realize that this isn't a "Noodle Shop" and typically caters to the sushi crowd. Even though it is technically a "Bistro", which indicates that it is a small restaurant with some choice items, they are very sushi forward. For that, I must first say that the sushi I ate here was great. Started off the whole ramen experience with some "St. Helens roll" and was very pleased with the presentation, freshness, etc. The service here is also great. I can't knock this place down completely because it does have some great items on the menu… Ramen is NOT one of those great items.
Hana is Japanese for "flower" and like that old game we all used to play as kids, I was picking off pedals one at a time, trying to figure out if this Japanese Bistro loved me or loved me not. In checking out the ramen menu, I was hopeful. Hana features many kinds of ramen, all named in English, all for what meat is featured in the soup. This should have been my first red flag but I figured they were sparing casual diners from having to mumble out words like "Tonkotsu", only to need an explanation. To me, that is the fun of international cuisine but I let it slide. I recently tried an EXCELLENT Spicy Miso ramen at *Boxer Ramen* downtown, so I figured I would go for the Spicy Pork option here. I didn't ask about the broth, as I figured it must be a Shoyu or Shio.
The Ramen comes out.
Immediately I notice the odd steel bowl it is in. It's like a kitchen bowl and spins a bit as I am stirring the soup. The broth is red/translucent and smells MAJORLY influenced by cayenne/red pepper and the minor notes are a bit gamey. In stirring it around, the veggies present themselves to be simple, "taco style" boiled white onion and some chives… Really? Really. I lift some pork to my mouth and notice that it is where the gamey smell is coming from. I taste it and it is very obviously pre-boiled pork which sat in a refrigerator until my arrival. Like the kind of pork they use in any dish, pre made for expediency. The egg was pan fried and over easy. I'm hurting.
So I figure that above all the wreckage in my bowl, at LEAST the noodles will be okay. I'll settle for Sun Co. or even some off brand ready-for-broth alkaline noodles. In fact, I'll LIKE them!
But nay, fellow noodle heads…
What I received in my bowl was nearly unspeakable…
The noodles are dry, PACKET NOODLES!!!
Yes, Top Ramen, broke in college, 50 cents at the gas station, last resort on a drunken 4am cooking fit, PACKET….. NOODLES.
I wanted to die. Subsequently, I nearly did a few hours after eating this bowl of hatred in a bathroom up the road, but that's a different story.
The horror! How could a Japanese "Bistro" put this garbage on their menu??? I realize this is a sushi forward establishment but ramen is as Japanese as Apple Pie is American! This bowl of ramen is like what I used to make for high friends when I had scraps in my freezer. This ramen is like what the Japanese Chef Boyardee would serve in his tent. This ramen is precisely WHY Americans have such a low opinion of this particular soup. If this ramen were running a race against the other bowls of ramen, when the starting gun went off it would be to kill THIS bowl. Ugh… I just couldn't believe what I was slurping.
So yeah… The worst bowl of ramen I have ever had in a restaurant award goes to Hana Japanese Bistro. If you are going to serve great sushi, have a pretty solid appetizer menu, and serve good sake, have the decency to update your ramen from the dark ages. This wasn't a funny, complainy experience, it was a sad one. It wasn't just that the noodles/broth were packet grade either, I have made great things happen with dry noodles! It was the fact that in a RESTAURANT, I was given less-than-drunk-at-home quality ramen the whole way around. Oh, then I got the shits. That sucked, Hana.
You love me not.
Rating
Broth: 1/10
Noodles: -10/10
Veggies: 0/10
Meat: 1/10
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